INEPTICON '14

Are you going to miss out on the masters this year? prefer to have a bit of a laugh than purely competitive Warhammer? INEPTICON might be the tournament for you!

The Kapiti Wargames Club is hosting its inaugural tournament on the weekend of December 6th/7th for those who do not expect to get invites to the masters this year. Designed to be more of a fun time rather than a Math-Hammer slugfest, INEPTICON will boast a few custom scenarios, secret missions, and a BBQ lunch on the second day during the beauty contest.

 If your interested in joining us for this weekend romp on the coast, you can find the player pack for the event HERE. Send me an email at jebsonic@gmail.com  if you'd like a spot booked for you, though get in quick as there is a maximum  of 18 spots available. Hope to hear from you all soon. 

Apologies again...

Once more dear reader, wherever in the world you might hail from, I must apologise for the lack of transmissions. Regular programming will resume shortly, with a breakdown of my standing in the Call To Arms tournament, painting table updates and general grumblings and ejaculations (which is a legit use of the word, look it up before getting offended).

As it was before, so it shall be

Today's discussion (so far between Me, my friend I, and an acquaintance called Myself) was sparked while contemplating the interesting turn of events set in motion by the Goliath, Games Workshop. Nagash has burst onto the wargaming scene as if from nowhere (since the rumour mill seemed to be in the dark till a mere two weeks prior) and with it comes the start of the end times campaign, with literature and plastic models galore. When my friend David and I were discussing one said piece of literature (The return of Nagash) he quite simply stated "just like the first time Archeon invaded". This perplexed me. Yes, in the good old days Games Workshop used to create global campaigns. The storm of chaos that roiled around the northern hemisphere 10 years ago was, for a time, written into warhammer lore (especially as there was controversy as to whether they skewed the results to stop chaos from winning). early in 8th edition we got the Ork and Goblin army book, and were perplexed to find that the lore was changing. Everything had been reset to a cusp of the event horizon. Grimgor no longer fought Archaon, Middenheim was under siege and Kislev was no more.

Now, with new branding and models, we are to erase the storm of chaos from our memory, as we are about to re-fight it. The End Times are here, with greater stakes on the line for every race in the warhammer world.  with the Vampires awakening the god of un-death himself, Sigmer re-born as Valten (the first time no longer happened remember), the return of the king of chivalry, the death of an ancestor god, the appearance of the Horned Rat, and communion with the Elven gods, risks have been taken in writing an epic of a worlds ending. this brings me (somehow) round to the second part of my musings. 9th Edition.

The whisper on the wind is that this is now right around the corner, with Bretonia's shiny new book coming on its coat tails. I am excited to see where they place the time-frame of the book, if it ends part way through The End Times or just before. Without plying serious spoiler warnings (though lets face it, it is the internet) I wish to see which characters make it into the book and what lores are made available to the Damsels. Some serious shit gets thrown down in the early stages of Nagash's début, and I wish to know how it will change the outlook of there army book. Technically this also applies to the Empire and High Elves, but that is a different story entirely.

For now I must wait to see whether the Goliath will indeed forge ahead with the story, or will it grind to a halt once more and require an entirely new reboot, possibly involving the death of more main characters (anyone would think the George R.R.Martin had a hand in it). In any case I sit here with bated breath, hoping against hope that they don't miss a great opportunity here.

Call To Arms incoming

Shar-Vear is clapping his hands with glee this morning after having a good read through the lists that will be gracing the field at Call To Arms. There are fewer cannons than I bargained for, and some pretty juicy monsters out there for me to haul back to Clar Karond. I don't believe in the slightest that I will be gracing the podium for the first time, but here is my list of those with a very definite chance to do so.

Number V

Alix Barclay

Everyone knows that green-skins are my favourite army, but bias's aside I truly believe he has put together something stronger than the sum of its parts. with over 170 goblins gracing the field and every sneaky scheme under the sun, including masses of diverters and plenty of fanatics and nets, I feel that with even some moderate pairings Alix is going to really shine. Big props to the man for fielding Squig Hoppers too, it takes some kahuna's to pull that off.

Number IV

Alan Hughes

Skaven might have an old book, but it is for just that reason that the ratties are still a prominent threat on the battlefield. I may be placing him here just because I have never faired well against them, but with two Lightening Cannons, the Hellpit Abomination, lots of cheap warlocks and a bell seer its going to be a hard list to take meaningful points out of. Unfortunately there was nothing new and unforeseen in his list, so he wont be gaining Fun Points from me.

Number III

Jeff Kent

As much as he has tried to gloss over his army by naming the characters after Diva's, those same Diva's are going to tear enemies apart. 4 Pegasus mounted characters are going to be a massive pain to clear from a field, and their dance of death will cut a swathe through the opposition. Jeff's one concern is the Empire, Daemons and Ogres, who all seem to have raided the Old Worlds gunpowder stocks to bring all their fire-power to bear. Again there has been no concession to "Fun Points" so his ruthless attitude will see him place well

Number II

John Murrie

John, John, John. You must have been dancing with joy when you saw the final line-up. twin Ironblasters, twin Mournfangs, Hell Heart, Ironguts, the lot really. Usually Gnoblers would be a cause for me to smile and exclaim that the ogres are softening off, but as death-fodder I just feel sad for them. Conventional wisdom says that this list should do extremely well, so I guess its now up to John to deliver. No pressure

Number I

Joel Van De Ven-Long

WOW. There is no concession to fun in this list. It has been constructed for a single purpose, to destroy the world of FUN. 11 Beasts of Nurgle! 11! backed up by 4 Plague Drones and 2 Skill Cannons, and a core full of tzeentch daemons makes his list a real knuckle buster to get any meaningful points out of while he just moves forward, slowly drowning you under slime. No amount of water can clean up this filth, and if he doesn't podium I will be mighty surprised.

Practise time. Wargamming on a deadline

I decided I needed to get my hand back in the game before I rock up to the tables on the 16th. So last night I decided to put the pressure on and play three games in six hours. However, I also wanted to help out mates with their tournament preparations, which meant that the three games would all be different game systems. in the end I managed my major goal, fitting all three games in in a 5 hour window (though the last game came to a close early as Sam had to be home before curfew). Here were the results...

GAME ONE: WARHAMMER FANTASY

OPPONENT: REX FOOTE

POINTS LIMIT: 2400

SCENARIO: BLOOD AND GLORY

a great laughing point in the game, as the  lone Waywatcher oh so nearly killed the Kharibdyss in close combat, what a battler

Game one pitted my Beastmaster list against an annoying as hell Wood Elf list, consisting of a High mage, Beast mage, more archers than I could shake a stick at, a medium sized block of Eternal Guard with a Shadowdancer and BSB and a treeman. Both of us had a total of 5 break points, but Rex's problem in this game was the shortening of the gap between the two armies. I deployed as far forward as possible in a hard pincer, with the Chariots, Hydras, Kharibdyss and light mage with bodyguard on the left and the corsairs, BSB and chaff on the right. I managed to get first deployment on my scouts as well as first turn, so the tree huggers found themselves about 5" away from my army turn one, as well as a dead Treeman being dragged as a prize behind Shar-Vear's chariot. I lost 90% of my chaff in Rex's first hail of hell, but after turn two it was practically a Dark Elf mop up as two Hydras showed why forest's don't like fire, vaporizing 16 of the 20 Eternal Guard where they stood with their templates.

A very empty movement tray. Due to a lack of built Hydras (i will be borrowing my good friend Hermans for the event) a few spare bases had to make do.

The game ended a lot closer than it at first appeared, as it came down to one turns difference, who would be broken first. unfortunately for Rex his archers could not pin down or flee the corsairs, who romped home to deliver the victory for the dark side. I believe that Rex will soon have a more in depth and rather less biased account on his blog here if you want to read more

RESULT: DASTARDLY VICTORY!

GAME TWO: FLAMES OF WAR
OPPONENT: JAYDEN HOWELL
POINTS LIMIT: 1450 EARLY WAR
SCENARIO: HOLD THE LINE

Jayden is popping his competitive cherry and jumping into the early war tournament at Call To Arms, taking the Imperial Japanese infantry division that he commissioned me to paint for him. Unfortunately my Finnish infantry division is no where near completed, let alone fully painted, so a good friend loaned me his Germans to fill out bases. the sides where...

Japanese 7th Hohei Division (fearless/veteran)
HQ with division banner
2 Hohei infantry platoons with  3 squads, 3 light mortars and banners
1 Hohei machine-gun platoon with 4 machine-guns
1 Hohei battalion gun platoon with 2 type 92 70mm guns and no spotter
1 Medium sensha platoon with 5 Chi-Ro medium tanks and 2 type 94 tankettes

My sexy ass anti-tank platoon, who ran after being thoroughly shot up

Finish Jalkaväkikompanie (confident/veteran)
HQ
2 Jalkaväki platoons with 4 squads and a close defence command squad
1 Jalkaväki machine-gun platoon with 4 machine-guns
1 Jalkaväki mortar platoon with 4 tampala mortars
1 Jääkäri scout platoon with 3 squads and a close defence command squad (fearless/veteran)
1 Jalkaväki tank hunter platoon with 2 boys anti-tank rifles, two close defence rifle teams and a close defence command squad
1 Jalkaväki anti-tank platoon with 2 45 PsTK/37 guns
1 Anti-aircraft platoon with 2 40ItK/38 guns
1 Artillery platoon with 4 76 K/02 guns
Fokker CX sporadic air support

Oh dear, that is alot of infantry facing the thin white line

This game ended fast. As the defender I had delayed reserves so only started with one Jalkaväki platoon (with combat attached machine guns), the Jääkäri scouts, the Anti-air guns and the Artillery on the field. Having to deploy first, and since he won if he could hold one of the two objectives, meant I had to scatter my forces. In the end he piled everything in the corner and threw them forward in one great wave, crashing over the hill in the pre-dawn assault. I was allowed to ambush two units, but foolishly only held the Anti-tank squads back, wanting to see where he would place the tanks. in the end the man of the match for me was the AA guns, that brutalised his tanks as they crested the ridge behind the objective, but it was not enough. The Japanese juggernaut smashed it's way over both the Jalkaväki squad and the objective, holding it against a counter attack by the Jääkäri. dawn broke on the very last turn, turn 4. I had not received any reserves.

Game face on, but little I could do about those gorgeous little buckets

RESULT: CRUSHING DEFEAT!

GAME THREE: WARMACHINE/HORDES
OPPONENT: SAM CAMPBELL
POINTS LIMIT: 35
SCENARIO: INCURSION

Chris Otton is hosting a second escalation league at the Kapiti Wargames Club, so both me and Sam decided to crank out some miniatures and have a go (I had just made a very good purchase of older miniatures from a colleague of my Mother, so was looking to blood them). The sides were...

Sam: Trollbloods
Madrak Ironhide
1 Troll Axer
2 Troll Impaler's
5 Trollkin Champions
10 Trollkin Fenblades
Krielstone Bearer and scribes
Fell Caller solo

Nick: Circle Orboros
Grayle Farstrider
1 Feral Warpwolf
1 Razorwing Griffon
1 Argus
10 Wolves of Orboros with command group
5 Tharn Ravagers with a Tharn Chieftain
Reeve's of Orboros solo
2 Gallows grove's

end of Sams first turn, just before my first moves. for those who want to know the far objective was the one that disappeared

This game had to be called early, but to be honest at that point it was anyone's game, he had turtled heavily around his big old stone, and the Wolves and Tharn were making great dents in his troops (thanks to the gallows groves removing his tough ability). However just before we had to call it his Axer had made a long charge and Bisected (quite literally) half of the Tharn unit, including the Chieftain. both of us were gearing up to pop our feats in the next turn so it would have been an extremely interesting turn, where one or the other of us would have come out on top. Oh well.

RESULT: INDETERMINATE

So at the end of five hours back to back games with little break, I was 1-1 with 1 draw. Pretty much my usual fare in this situation but with room for improvement.

Too Long

When your a full time university student it is hard to find time between work (since the boss never hired someone to fill important gaps) and my long distance relationship with my dear Ashleigh to actually get out and play. Looking back I haven't been to a tournament this year since heading up Beauty And The Beast's at the NZTC. However I have put my foot down and have been let loose for a weekend to once more stalk the battlefields of Wellington. Call To Arms HERE I COME!

However, this means I have two weeks to finish painting my list. It is Dark Elves. before the groans echo around the hills of Te Whanganui-A-Tara (woo, cultural) you may be interested to know that I plan to attempt a goodish position (not top place, too many dwarves for that) with NO Bolt Throwers, NO Executioners and NO Warlocks. Some think im mad, I prefer kooky. Here is the list.

Shar-Vear, High Beastmaster on Scourgerunner Chariot with the charmed shield. (305)

Niastra, Supreme Sorceress (lvl 4, light) on a Dark Steed with the iron-curse icon (245)

Calathan, Master Battle Standard Bearer on a Pegasus, with a lance, 1+ armour, 4+ ward and potion of foolhardiness (218)

5 Dark Riders with crossbows, shields and a musician (110)

5 Dark Riders with crossbows, shields and a musician (110)

5 Dark Riders with crossbows, shields and a musician and banner (120)

20 Black Ark Corsairs with additional hand weapons, full command and the flaming banner (260)

5 Shades with additional hand weapons (90)

5 shades with additional hand weapons (90)

Scourgerunner Chariot (150)

Hydra with flaming breath (180)

Hydra with flaming breath (180)

Hydra with flaming breath (180)

Kharibdyss (160)

2398

Fun, themed and a little insane. I will also be keeping a tally of how many monsters and large targets I can bring down with the list, a sort of moral victory points to offset some of the huge losses I will take from cannonballs to the face.

Can't wait to see you all there

Character spotlight, top 5 named characters in Warhammer

Well with a new project looming (very hush hush here) I really felt like doing a quick post on my favourite characters you can find strolling the tabletop, and no they are not all orcs. For me a great character needs to have some awesome fluff to back up what he can do, so a mix of combat effectiveness and back-story is going to play a role here. All righty then, where to start...

NUMBER 5

 

Heinrich Kemmler

The Lichemaster himself. What sort of a man could possibly warrant an entry in an army full of vampires? Heinrich can. A solid stat line (for a wizard), a monster dispel ability (he counts as a Level 5), loremaster, and the ability to resurrect Grave Guard with every kill he makes. To boot he has the most powerful Wight King in the world under his command and stands as equals in an alliance with the greatest vampire of the age. He can also be found as a villain in one of my favourite of the Gotrek and Felix saga. what's not to like?

NUMBER 4

Kholek Sun-eater

Badass levels are already increasing. Kholek is an underused but amazing Character. Sealing the doom of his race with oaths so foul that the sun itself turned away its face in disgust, Kholek now forever wanders the world under a perpetual tempest. as a monster, he has a nightmare of a stat line (WS8, S8, A7, W8, the list goes on), a 3+ armour save, multiple wound rule and the ability to hurl lightening bolts at his enemies. Sigmar preserve us!

NUMBER 3

The Sisters Of Twilight

what do the twin embodiments of a fractured elven psyche riding on top of a forest dragon account to, why the sisters of twilight that's what. Only the Everqueen now knows who the sisters Naestra and Arahan used to be, but who cares when it creates such an awesome Duo. Kind, compassionate Naestra has weapons to ensnare rather than kill, while cruel, capricious Arahan laughs at the carnage that she commits. with ranged attacks galore, a fearful combat profile (thanks to there dragon Ceithan-Har) and the ability to spring back to life unless both of them are killed in the same phase, the twins are a brilliant creation that has much better fluff than most of the other Wood Elf characters. though I have yet to verse the twins in a game, I know that I would rue the day if I don't have a cannon or two around to aid me...

NUMBER 2

Ungrim Ironfist

who are the biggest bad-asses in the Dwarven realm? The slayers of course. Who is the second best slayer in the world (behind you-know-who)? Why the king of the slayers of course! Ungrim, unfortunately, is the last in the line of the slayer kings of Karak Kadrin since his soon met his doom at the hands of the Chaos Giant he had just killed. Having beaten Chaos invasions, defeated Golgfag Maneater in single combat, smashed the army of Queek Headtaker, slain the dragon of Black Peak, and wiped out the Orc hoard of Gnashrak Badtooth, he is one of the Old Worlds greatest generals. In game he is a powerhouse, with the abilities of both a Dragon and Daemon slayer, the Axe of Drago and a cloak made from the skin of Fyrskar the dragon, Ungrim would be able to easily slaughter any character on this list. Well, if he can get to them that is (damn these stumpy legs!) 

And finally

NUMBER 1

Malekith the Deceiver

What more is there to say. Malekith is, well, Malekith. The greatest of the sons of Anerion. Cursed with Immortality, riven by hatred and consumed with the humiliation of his scaring. Malekith is by far and away the biggest, most evil bad-ass in all of Warhammer (on par with the devil himself, Archaon). Profile in excess of a combat lord: check. Power of the greatest of wizards: check. 2000 years of back story including, but not limited to; the orchestration of the war of the beard, wiping out an entire city that displeased him, the killing of a Phoenix King and fighting his way out of the Realm of Chaos: check, check, check, check. Oh, and Awesome weaponry and protective items: check. There is quite literally no fault in this Elf. It also helps that, due to a prophesy, he can only be killed by a male sorcerer. Definitely my number one pick.

I would just like to point out that this is in fact only my opinion. If you feel I have wronged a character by not putting him here do speak up, its always interesting how people rate there favourites.

If in doubt, send the marines!

Oi, Listen up you lout's. da real Admiral's back so e is, an' not too late ta get some bashin' done! Even managed to gets me a right handy li'll birdy ta carry me inta battle.

 I was havin' trouble naming da blasted thing, but since it et 'alf the stores onboard (as well as plenty of dem wippersnappers crawlin round da place) i decided to name him Right Bastard. 

speakin' of dem li'llens, da Marine core ain't comin along to bad neither. Wid a Bit more trainin' dey might even give dem hooligan's a run for dere money. Har Har Har.